Okay, many of your know about The Writer's Academy - my online writing workshop that I started on Writing.com.
Now, today is the day that my dream of having it on it's own site will come true. I finally have the money to buy the domain and hosting for the new site.
And I'm freaking out!!
It's my dream, I know! Why would I be freaking out? I've been planning and working on this 'upgrade' for months! But now that the time has come to put up or shut up -- I'm having a meltdown.
What if it fails and I spend my money for nothing? What if people don't like it? What happens if no one shows up? What do I do if it does fail? How will I deal with the huge financial loss? What happens if it explodes in popularity and I don't have the staff to cover all the students? What if...what if...what if....
I'm so afraid of failing, people. You might not know this about me, but I'm always afraid to fail. I put myself out there online in my blogs and moderating other workshops. I try to present this air of confidence and certainty in myself. If you were to really see me through my computer as I do all of these things, I'm a total wreck. The what if's clog my brain, give me the shakes, and sometimes I have full blown panic attacks.
What am I to do?
Well, I write. So I'm writing this blog post to share with everyone my fear to hopefully get it out of my head. I feel much better now than I did at the very start of this post. However, the nerves and anxiety are still there.
My husband is my biggest supporter and fan. He wouldn't give me the go ahead to spend the money if he didn't think it would succeed. I must remind myself of this. He is my rock and my foundation. Without him, I'd surely crumble.
Also, my dear friend J.D. Brown, my crit partner, friend, and sister in Fantasy has been there over the past month to help me put the final touches on the planning for this. I can't let her down! I know she has faith in me too and that gives me added strength - and faith in myself.
So -- after all of that -- I'm going to do it. I'm going to face my fear of failure and go for my dream. I'm going to run my own writing workshop. And I will succeed. Besides if I don't try at all, I'll always wonder what might have been.
Now, today is the day that my dream of having it on it's own site will come true. I finally have the money to buy the domain and hosting for the new site.
And I'm freaking out!!
It's my dream, I know! Why would I be freaking out? I've been planning and working on this 'upgrade' for months! But now that the time has come to put up or shut up -- I'm having a meltdown.
What if it fails and I spend my money for nothing? What if people don't like it? What happens if no one shows up? What do I do if it does fail? How will I deal with the huge financial loss? What happens if it explodes in popularity and I don't have the staff to cover all the students? What if...what if...what if....
I'm so afraid of failing, people. You might not know this about me, but I'm always afraid to fail. I put myself out there online in my blogs and moderating other workshops. I try to present this air of confidence and certainty in myself. If you were to really see me through my computer as I do all of these things, I'm a total wreck. The what if's clog my brain, give me the shakes, and sometimes I have full blown panic attacks.
What am I to do?
Well, I write. So I'm writing this blog post to share with everyone my fear to hopefully get it out of my head. I feel much better now than I did at the very start of this post. However, the nerves and anxiety are still there.
My husband is my biggest supporter and fan. He wouldn't give me the go ahead to spend the money if he didn't think it would succeed. I must remind myself of this. He is my rock and my foundation. Without him, I'd surely crumble.
Also, my dear friend J.D. Brown, my crit partner, friend, and sister in Fantasy has been there over the past month to help me put the final touches on the planning for this. I can't let her down! I know she has faith in me too and that gives me added strength - and faith in myself.
So -- after all of that -- I'm going to do it. I'm going to face my fear of failure and go for my dream. I'm going to run my own writing workshop. And I will succeed. Besides if I don't try at all, I'll always wonder what might have been.
Ah, man. Fear tries to stop me cold, too. And I deal with it the same way: by writing past it. Congrats on setting up the online workshop!
Ana, my new friend. I never would have met you and all of the other amazing people that I have this past year had I not taken that step. After a twenty year period, I got back to that novel and finished it, setting off an incredible series of events, ultimately leading me to you. Right?
Why?
Because I did not want to find myself sitting in a chair in an old-folks home (if you'll forgive the expression), waiting to die with one giant regret. There probably will be some regrets because we're human and falible, but finishing a novel and seeing what might happen with it will most definitely not be one of them.
Good luck to you as you take this step. You may fail (God forbid), but you'll never regret the fact that you tried.
-Jimmy
Ana,
I feel the same about the fear of failure - so much that I don't tell many people that I write. It's not that I am ashamed of it, but I get worried if people ask if I'm seeking publications because I freeze up unsure of how to answer.
You appear very confident in workshops and other interactions that I've had with you, so it was nice to see that you share a common fear! I was scared that I was the only one!
I have to learn to put myself out there more and atleast act that I have all the confidence in the world! After all - I am a writer!
Thanks Zoe!
James -- You're comment lit up my day. I'm so honored to have met you in the incredible series of events that led us together.
RJ - Thanks for stopping by! Yes, you should put yourself out there more. It is hard for me to do it sometimes, but the little bit of anonymity from the internet, makes it much easier. If you need any help with anything, please let me know!