Hookline Blogfest: One for Five
Author: Anastasia V. Pergakis // Category: "Ryn and Ciyme", "The Faery's Tale", "The Kinir Elite", Blogfests
This blogfest I think was the hardest for me! But, I was in a synopsis workshop this month too so my mind was alredy thinking of "What's really important here?"
Make sure you go to Bryan's blog to see the list of the other entries! I'm pretty sure the other participants have something better than what I came up with here - after all, I did it at the last minute!
So, here we go. I wrote five different ones for this. Tell me what you guys think! This novel is the one I'm desperately trying to rewrite, and have ready to query by the end of this year - so this is perfect practice!
The Faery's Tale: Burden of Prophecy
1. Spurred by an ancient prophecy, Princess Rosyani Celter desperately tries to hang on to her new marriage as they battle old ideals rooted in ignorance and hatred.
2. Princess Rosyani Celter is thrown into an epic journey spurred by an ancient prophecy, but will her marriage survive the onslaught?
3. An ancient prophecy threatens to tear apart Rosyani's new life with a loving husband who saved her from the hatred of her sisters and his own Father.
4. Prophecy and a journey across the world threatens to tear apart Rosyani's wonderful new life with the faery that saved her from death.
5. Will Rosyani's new life, threatened by old ideals and an ancient prophecy, fall apart before it even begins?
I like #4 the best! What do you guys think? You have read the many blurbs I have put out there so you basically know the jist of the story - so please be honest and tell me what you think. I can take it! Give suggestions if you have anything better! I'll take them gladly!
Oh and on a side note - you all know that I have two other series I'm working on "The Kinir Elite Chronicles" and "The Ryn and Ciyme Adventures". I was able to get titles for the individual books the other day AND thought of plot lines for the rest of the series too!
So here they are!
"The Kinir Elite Chronicles"
Book 1: Cleansing Fire (This is the one that is already written)
Book 2: Death Air
Book 3: Water Requiem
Book 4: Earth Blood
"The Ryn and Ciyme Adventures"
Book 1: Incinerating Harmony
Book 2: Broken Ally (This is the one already written)
Book 3: Pack Bonds
I can't wait to come up with some cover art for these - esp the ones for The Kinir Elite - since their titles have elemental themes it'll be great to come up with some cover art covered in flames or raging water! And of course, I'll post them up here so you guys can see them!
Make sure you go to Bryan's blog to see the list of the other entries! I'm pretty sure the other participants have something better than what I came up with here - after all, I did it at the last minute!
So, here we go. I wrote five different ones for this. Tell me what you guys think! This novel is the one I'm desperately trying to rewrite, and have ready to query by the end of this year - so this is perfect practice!
The Faery's Tale: Burden of Prophecy
1. Spurred by an ancient prophecy, Princess Rosyani Celter desperately tries to hang on to her new marriage as they battle old ideals rooted in ignorance and hatred.
2. Princess Rosyani Celter is thrown into an epic journey spurred by an ancient prophecy, but will her marriage survive the onslaught?
3. An ancient prophecy threatens to tear apart Rosyani's new life with a loving husband who saved her from the hatred of her sisters and his own Father.
4. Prophecy and a journey across the world threatens to tear apart Rosyani's wonderful new life with the faery that saved her from death.
5. Will Rosyani's new life, threatened by old ideals and an ancient prophecy, fall apart before it even begins?
I like #4 the best! What do you guys think? You have read the many blurbs I have put out there so you basically know the jist of the story - so please be honest and tell me what you think. I can take it! Give suggestions if you have anything better! I'll take them gladly!
Oh and on a side note - you all know that I have two other series I'm working on "The Kinir Elite Chronicles" and "The Ryn and Ciyme Adventures". I was able to get titles for the individual books the other day AND thought of plot lines for the rest of the series too!
So here they are!
"The Kinir Elite Chronicles"
Book 1: Cleansing Fire (This is the one that is already written)
Book 2: Death Air
Book 3: Water Requiem
Book 4: Earth Blood
"The Ryn and Ciyme Adventures"
Book 1: Incinerating Harmony
Book 2: Broken Ally (This is the one already written)
Book 3: Pack Bonds
I can't wait to come up with some cover art for these - esp the ones for The Kinir Elite - since their titles have elemental themes it'll be great to come up with some cover art covered in flames or raging water! And of course, I'll post them up here so you guys can see them!
I'm wondering if you should say what the prophecy foretells just to be more clear. Otherwise, it sounds like the story is just about saving her marriage.
I love your story, so know that I'm just trying to be helpful. Your wording in these is good, I'm just left wondering what the stakes are. Is it just her marriage? I hope that helps a little.
*slinks off and feels rotten*
Don't feel rotten. The problem is it is hard to tell what the prophecy is and fit it into the one line rule here. I guess I could say it like this:
An ancent prophecy that promises to unite the kingdom once again, throws Rosyani into an epic adventure to save her parents, her husband, and her own life.
Oooo I actually like that one! LOL
Subtle word-mining:
1) Spurred by an ancient prophecy, Princess Rosyani Celter desperately clings to her new marriage as they battle old ideals rooted in ignorance and hatred.
4) Prophecy and a journey across the world threatens to tear apart Rosyani's wonderful new life with the faery who saved her from death.
I need to go back over mine, too, and mine out ALL the unnecessary words.
Good job. You should do a class on this! ;)
- Eric
You think so Eric? I am working on a new class for The Writer's Academy that covers synopsis, pitches, and query letters - so this experience will definitely be added to the class schedule!
adverbs bad m'kay?
Give me more specifics. I know it's one line, but you can do it.
Looking at 4, what prophecy, what journey, what new life, and what kind of death?
Write up a nice long one and then maybe we can help pare it down to the essentials, but these are mostly vague and don't really tell me much about the book.
I think you have the starting point with these loglines, but as Andrew (Iapetus999) said, you need to provide specifics.
Loglines need to give the reader more than the theme of your story (which you've done well here) -- they should articulate what makes your story unique.
Maybe try this: each time you see a general, thematic descriptor, convert it to the specifics from your story: "Spurred by an ancient prophecy [that is about what? Where'd it come from? How did she hear of it?], Princess Rosyani Celter desperately tries to hang on to her new marriage [why is she hanging on? Adultery? Torn between house/warrior princess? Married a man she doesn't love?] as they [who is 'they'? You've only mentioned Rosyani] battle old ideals [technically, you don't battle an ideal; you battle people stuck in old ideals. Who are they? The king/father? Peasants? Neighboring land?] rooted in ignorance and hatred [what kind? prejudiced about faeries? warrior princesses?]."
These points may not mesh with your work; they're just quick examples of what could help give me a better sense of your story.
Thanks for joining the blogfest!
I like #4. And I like Eric's subtle word-tuning to it. You have true talent. May your publishing dreams soon come true, Roland
I like number 1, although I'd like to know what the prophecy is about, too.
I think questions are a no-no?
Number 4 is good, I could see that on the back of the book as the bigger-print bit they always put on there, but it doesn't really tell us a lot.
I love your book titels, btw! Well done! (mine always change on me as I write)
I really like #1 and #4, they work very well!
I think you should steer clear of phrases like "epic journey" as in #2, because it sounds very cliched.
Wow. You've been busy. Here I thought coming up with a title for a series was a big accomplishment but you've got me beat. ;-) Yay for titles and plots figured out!
Nice work with the entries for the blogfest too. I actually like #5 even though it's a question. My research shows that some do go with the question, though by comment reaction I'm guessing it's kind of like prologues at the moment. Some have them but people say not to do it.
I have to say I like the one you came up with in the second comment to any in the post. The book sounds right up my alley. Well done!
http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/2010/05/hook-line-for-heart-to-mend-blogfest.html
I like your fourth one. It seems to flow better. The others are nice, but this one pops for me.
Sounds like a great book! I'd go with #4. Overall the best. I would add A or An at the beginning . . . An ancient propheny . . .Great stuff!
Hi Harley!
I agree with Charity, it does sound like a story about saving her marriage.
I want to know more about the prophesy--how will it tear her life apart? What does she have to do?
Number 3 feels defined as in how her life, I like that one the best!
Thank you for visiting my lines! :D
Describing the prophecy more will really grab my attention. Hmmm The Synopsis... I wish you luck. (As is there's no way I can write that Synopsis yet no matter how hard I ponder over it.)
I liked #3 the most...I just wished you had called her Princess Rosyani, instead of just Rosyani. You have a way with words.
I also liked Bryan Sabol's great advice.