Okay, so I covered the basics of showing and telling but I felt that emotions deserved a post of their own. And now that I have started writing this, I'm sure I'll make a lot of posts about this particular topic.
Emotions are everywhere and they often run our lives - so why not our characters? They have emotions too! The key is to present them in the right way.
In real life, when a family member or someone close to us has something bad happen to them what do we do? We cry, we panic, we freak out, etc. But how to convey that in a novel is hard to do. Having your character endlessly scream "Oh my God!" doesn't really give the reader much to go on.
If you really think about what happens inside your head when you have a freak out moment (or when your crying, or sulking, or angry, etc) there is so much more than "Oh my God!" Seriously. This is hard to really think about as usually at the time you are too busy freaking out to really pay attention to your thoughts.
But - if you can do it, it really helps to write that scene with a character going through the same thing. So, let's try an exercise.
Think about the last time you had a freak out moment, you were panic-y, not sure what to do. What did you think about - really? I'm sure it was a jumble of thoughts, sentences running over one another - thus the feeling of manic. See? So much more than "Oh my God!"
In a story, of course, you can't just say "Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts." That's telling, you need to SHOW the whirlwind. I was going to give you two examples of my latest freakout, but then decided I'd save you all the pain of knowing what goes on inside my head. Seriously. I scare myself.
So, here is the first example of telling, with an old scene from one of my novels.
Rosyani silently looked at her sisters with tears in her eyes. She flew to another branch on the other side of Harmona’s trunk.
“What's wrong with you?” Bel asked.
“What is wrong with me? Are you serious?” Rosyani whispered harshly. "Well, go on. You know where I am now so rush home and tell Mother. At least you will leave!” Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now. She could not help herself. Rosyani just could not believe her own sisters would stoop so low as to follow her just to get her into trouble.
“Rosyani, calm down,” Harmona said.
“Calm down? Calm down? This is…Why can…” Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. She would not though. She refused to show more weakness to them then she already was.
“Rosyani you're acting like a child,” Bel said. “I don't understand you.”
Rosyani did not say anything. The words would have come out all wrong and she knew it. So she did not even try.
“Rosyani, you need to learn how to talk to faeries. Maybe then you'd have friends,” Soraya said.
Rosyani was beyond angry. She flew away as fast as she could. She did not know where she was headed but had a feeling Harmona guided her. So she just flew to wherever the wind took her. Anyplace would be better than near her sisters.
So let's see where I could have expanded this::
"Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now" I really need to expand the why here. I only had one explanatory sentence.
"Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak" I had a little bit of explanation there, but not much. I really could have added more to show the reader just how awful her sisters were.
This entire conversation could have really used some more to show why Rosyani is so emotional and so show her emotions better. Her sisters really are awful and I need to show why so that Rosyani's reactions make sense.
So, here is the rewritten version for you to compare.
Rosyani silently looked at her sisters with tears in her eyes. She flew to another branch on the other side of Harmona’s trunk. She hated to be around her sisters, it hurt too much.
“What's wrong with you?” Bel sneered.
“What is wrong with me? Are you serious?” Rosyani whispered harshly. “I was followed by my sisters who enjoy nothing more than tormenting me and you want to know what is wrong with me?! I cannot believe this!" she thought. "Well, go on. You know where I am now so rush home and tell Mother. At least you will leave!” Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now. She could not help herself. Rosyani just could not believe her own sisters would stoop so low as to follow her just to get her into trouble. She knew that's why they did. It was not from concern for her safety or worry for her - no. They will rush home to tell Mother so she will guarded, not allowed to leave the castle. Was it not enough that they teased her relentlessly? They had to get her into trouble too?
“Rosyani, calm down,” Harmona said.
“Calm down? Calm down? This is…Why can…” Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. She would not though. She refused to show more weakness to them then she already was. It was only give them more ammunition to use against her later. She could be smiling right now and it would not matter. They would find something to make of her about. Perhaps today it will be her hair style and tomorrow her nose, and the next day it would be her round hips.
“Rosyani you're acting like a child,” Bel said. “I don't understand you.”
Rosyani did not say anything. She could not. The words would have come out all wrong and she knew it. So she did not even try. Why stutter and give them something to laugh about? She tried to pull her emotions back, to reign in the tears and the trembles racking her body. The more she tried, the worse it got. How much longer did she have to deal with them?
“Rosyani, you need to learn how to talk to faeries. Maybe then you'd have friends,” Soraya said.
Rosyani flew away as fast as she could. She did not know where she was headed but had a feeling Harmona guided her. So she just flew to wherever the wind took her. Anyplace would be better than near her sisters.
All right, I'll admit reading it again, it's not totally awesome, but it is a little better I think. At least it hopefully gives you the idea that there is MORE to freaking out and being emotional that just screaming "Oh my God!" and having a "whirlwind of thoughts."
I will expand on this and hopefully talk about each of the emotions in turn. This is just a starter for you to start thinking about. Let me know if there are any specific emotions you want me to talk about!
Emotions are everywhere and they often run our lives - so why not our characters? They have emotions too! The key is to present them in the right way.
In real life, when a family member or someone close to us has something bad happen to them what do we do? We cry, we panic, we freak out, etc. But how to convey that in a novel is hard to do. Having your character endlessly scream "Oh my God!" doesn't really give the reader much to go on.
If you really think about what happens inside your head when you have a freak out moment (or when your crying, or sulking, or angry, etc) there is so much more than "Oh my God!" Seriously. This is hard to really think about as usually at the time you are too busy freaking out to really pay attention to your thoughts.
But - if you can do it, it really helps to write that scene with a character going through the same thing. So, let's try an exercise.
Think about the last time you had a freak out moment, you were panic-y, not sure what to do. What did you think about - really? I'm sure it was a jumble of thoughts, sentences running over one another - thus the feeling of manic. See? So much more than "Oh my God!"
In a story, of course, you can't just say "Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts." That's telling, you need to SHOW the whirlwind. I was going to give you two examples of my latest freakout, but then decided I'd save you all the pain of knowing what goes on inside my head. Seriously. I scare myself.
So, here is the first example of telling, with an old scene from one of my novels.
Rosyani silently looked at her sisters with tears in her eyes. She flew to another branch on the other side of Harmona’s trunk.
“What's wrong with you?” Bel asked.
“What is wrong with me? Are you serious?” Rosyani whispered harshly. "Well, go on. You know where I am now so rush home and tell Mother. At least you will leave!” Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now. She could not help herself. Rosyani just could not believe her own sisters would stoop so low as to follow her just to get her into trouble.
“Rosyani, calm down,” Harmona said.
“Calm down? Calm down? This is…Why can…” Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. She would not though. She refused to show more weakness to them then she already was.
“Rosyani you're acting like a child,” Bel said. “I don't understand you.”
Rosyani did not say anything. The words would have come out all wrong and she knew it. So she did not even try.
“Rosyani, you need to learn how to talk to faeries. Maybe then you'd have friends,” Soraya said.
Rosyani was beyond angry. She flew away as fast as she could. She did not know where she was headed but had a feeling Harmona guided her. So she just flew to wherever the wind took her. Anyplace would be better than near her sisters.
So let's see where I could have expanded this::
"Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now" I really need to expand the why here. I only had one explanatory sentence.
"Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak" I had a little bit of explanation there, but not much. I really could have added more to show the reader just how awful her sisters were.
This entire conversation could have really used some more to show why Rosyani is so emotional and so show her emotions better. Her sisters really are awful and I need to show why so that Rosyani's reactions make sense.
So, here is the rewritten version for you to compare.
Rosyani silently looked at her sisters with tears in her eyes. She flew to another branch on the other side of Harmona’s trunk. She hated to be around her sisters, it hurt too much.
“What's wrong with you?” Bel sneered.
“What is wrong with me? Are you serious?” Rosyani whispered harshly. “I was followed by my sisters who enjoy nothing more than tormenting me and you want to know what is wrong with me?! I cannot believe this!" she thought. "Well, go on. You know where I am now so rush home and tell Mother. At least you will leave!” Tears angrily rolled down her cheeks now. She could not help herself. Rosyani just could not believe her own sisters would stoop so low as to follow her just to get her into trouble. She knew that's why they did. It was not from concern for her safety or worry for her - no. They will rush home to tell Mother so she will guarded, not allowed to leave the castle. Was it not enough that they teased her relentlessly? They had to get her into trouble too?
“Rosyani, calm down,” Harmona said.
“Calm down? Calm down? This is…Why can…” Rosyani was so emotional she could not speak. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry. She would not though. She refused to show more weakness to them then she already was. It was only give them more ammunition to use against her later. She could be smiling right now and it would not matter. They would find something to make of her about. Perhaps today it will be her hair style and tomorrow her nose, and the next day it would be her round hips.
“Rosyani you're acting like a child,” Bel said. “I don't understand you.”
Rosyani did not say anything. She could not. The words would have come out all wrong and she knew it. So she did not even try. Why stutter and give them something to laugh about? She tried to pull her emotions back, to reign in the tears and the trembles racking her body. The more she tried, the worse it got. How much longer did she have to deal with them?
“Rosyani, you need to learn how to talk to faeries. Maybe then you'd have friends,” Soraya said.
Rosyani flew away as fast as she could. She did not know where she was headed but had a feeling Harmona guided her. So she just flew to wherever the wind took her. Anyplace would be better than near her sisters.
All right, I'll admit reading it again, it's not totally awesome, but it is a little better I think. At least it hopefully gives you the idea that there is MORE to freaking out and being emotional that just screaming "Oh my God!" and having a "whirlwind of thoughts."
I will expand on this and hopefully talk about each of the emotions in turn. This is just a starter for you to start thinking about. Let me know if there are any specific emotions you want me to talk about!
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