Alternate Version Blog Fest: Faeries vs Vampfires vs Humans

Author: Anastasia V. Pergakis // Category: ,


This is my first blogfest so I hope I didn't totally screw it up! It was really fun! I have two different versions here so I hope there is something for everyone here!

Check out the other entries! I have read a few already and they are awesome! The original post has a list with the participants! Check it out! Thanks Livia for putting this on!

Original Version: High Fantasy Genre

She felt heavy. She tried to move her arms but they felt like they were full of sand. Her eyes would only open a sliver, making it hard for her to see. The fog in her brain did not help her either as she tried to remember what had happened. She heard muffled voices and felt pressure on her shoulders.

"Where am I?" she rasped.

"You're in the cave in Enthril," a soft female voice said. Rosyani tried to turn her head towards the sound but her neck screamed in pain.

"What's wrong with my eyes?"

"They're badly swollen. You took quite a beating before the Prince could save you."

"The Prince?" He saved her? Why? From what exactly? She tried to remember but all she could recall was the conversation they had in the jail. Had she been sentenced to death?

"Yes, he saved your from the crowd just before it was too late. Don't worry, you're eyes will heal in time."

"I do not understand."

The female put a damp cool cloth on Rosyani's forehead. "You don't remember? The King sentenced you to death by stoning. Prince Kestar fought with his father about your death and finally rescued you himself."

Rosyani tried to shake her head but her neck protested the movement. She whimpered as she tried to move other parts of her body. Everything felt stiff and heavy. Every inch of her body hurt. The clouds in her brain prevented actual memories from surfacing but she had no reason to doubt the faery, especially since every part of her body ached.

"Calm down, little fae," the soft voice soothed. "I am just going to change your bandages. Let's get some water into you first, all right?"

Rosyani felt the edge of a cup placed against her lips. She drank greedily, trying to wash away the feel of grit and sand in her mouth. She forced herself to relax despite the panic she felt. She did not know who the female voice was, but she had little choice in fighting about it. Finally she was able to relax and she fell back into the painless oblivion of the darkness.

The next time she woke up, she was able to open her eyes a little more than just a sliver. She could clearly see the roof of the cave, the stalactites pointing down at her. She slowly turned her head to the right. Drache sat there, looking down at his lap. She heard the rustle of paper as he turned the page of his book.

"What day is it?"

He turned to look at her and smiled. "It's Ranadae. We've been here for almost a week. You're healing quite nicely."

"Wh.." Her sentence was interrupted by a cough. She felt the edge of a cup against her lips as he helped her to drink.

"Can you see yet?" he asked.

"A little. What are you reading?"

"Oh. 'Fattal's Adventures'."

"Would you read me some?"

She heard the smile in his voice when he began to read. His voice was deep but still held a youthful tone to it. Rosyani found comfort in it as the sound washed over her. She did not pay much attention to the actual story. She simply enjoyed the vibrations of his voice as he read.

*******************

In the middle of the night, Drache woke up with a start. Tosca stood over him with a look of concern on her face.

"Drache, I had to bring a Healer. We can't wait for her to heal on her own. Your Father is angry, wondering where you are," she whispered.

"He wonders where I am now?" Drache said exasperated. "He never cared before if I disappeared for a few days."

"Apparently you are needed for a political decision. I'm not sure on the specifics. I try not to get involved in such things."

"All right." He turned his head to see the Healer kneeling over Rosyani. She softly explained that the healing process might hurt but when it was over, Rosyani would be back to normal.

He saw Rosyani nod then set her jaw in determination. He turned away when he heard her groan in pain as the Healer spread her magic over Rosyani's body. He was filled with anger at his Father. Of all the times his Father noticed his own son was not around, was the time when Drache needed the secrecy.

The Healer came over to them a few moments later. "She'll probably sleep the rest of the night. She'll be good as new in the morning, your highness. She'll be extremely stiff from the effects of her injuries and the healing, so you might need to help her move about for a while."

"You are sworn to secrecy." Drache said firmly but his face softened when he added, "Thank you."

"Yes, your highness." She bobbed a curtsey then followed Tosca out of the cave.

Drache went over to Rosyani's side. She was sleeping peacefully. Her eyes were no longer swollen and all the cuts and bruises were gone. Dried blood still stained the straw mat and the cotton gown she wore. Drache made a note to burn those things later. He hated the fact that a Healer had to become involved. He knew that Tosca would keep the secret without ordering her silence. He hated having to order silence to the Healer but it was the only way.

New Version: Urban Fantasy

She felt heavy. She tried to move her arms but they felt like they were full of sand. Her eyes would only open a sliver, making it hard for her to see. The fog in her brain did not help her either as she tried to remember what had happened. She heard muffled voices and felt pressure on her shoulders.

"Where am I?" she rasped.

"In the cave in Enthril," a soft female voice said. Rosyani tried to turn her head towards the sound but her neck screamed in pain.

"What's wrong with my eyes?"

"They're badly swollen. You took quite a beating but my Lord rescued you before it was too late.

"Who?" Who saved her? Why? From what exactly? She tried to remember but all she could recall was the conversation she had with Lord Drache. Had she been sentenced to death?

"Yes, he saved your from the crowd just before it was too late. Don't worry, you're eyes will heal in time."

"I do not understand."

The woman put a damp cool cloth on Rose's forehead. "You don't remember? You were sentenced you to death by bittening. Lord Kestar fought with his father about your death and finally rescued you himself."

Rosyani tried to shake her head but her neck protested the movement. She whimpered as she tried to move other parts of her body. Everything felt stiff and heavy. Every inch of her body hurt. The clouds in her brain prevented actual memories from surfacing.

"Calm down, little girl," the soft voice soothed. "I'm just going to change your bandages. Let's get some water into you first, all right?"

Rosyani felt the edge of a cup placed against her lips. She drank greedily, trying to wash away the feel of grit and sand in her mouth. She forced herself to relax despite the panic she felt. She did not know who the female voice was, but she had little choice in fighting about it. Finally she was able to relax and she fell back into the painless oblivion of the darkness.

The next time she woke up, she was able to open her eyes a little more than just a sliver. She could clearly see the roof of the cave, the stalactites pointing down at her. She slowly turned her head to the right. Drache sat there, looking down at his lap. She heard the rustle of paper as he turned the page of his book.

"What day is it?"

He turned to look at her and smiled. "It's Ranadae. We've been here for almost a week. You're healing quite nicely."

"Wh.." Her sentence was interrupted by a cough. She felt the edge of a cup against her lips as he helped her to drink.

"Can you see yet?" he asked.

"A little. What are you reading?"

"Oh. 'Fattal's Adventures'."

"Would you read me some?"

She heard the smile in his voice when he began to read. His voice was deep but still held a youthful tone to it. Rosyani found comfort in it as the sound washed over her. She did not pay much attention to the actual story. She simply enjoyed the vibrations of his voice as he read.

*******************

In the middle of the night, Drache woke up with a start. Tosca stood over him with a look of concern on her face.

"Drache, you have to turn her. I'm afraid she's beginning to show signs of bite sickness. Your Father is angry, wondering where you are," she whispered.

"He wonders where I am now?" Drache said exasperated. "He never cared before if I disappeared for a few days."

"Apparently you are needed for a clan decision. I'm not sure on the specifics. I try not to get involved in such things."

"All right." He turned his head to looks at Rosyani's still form. He did not want to turn her. She was innocent, human, normal. He hated to take that away from her. It seemed he had no choice. She would die if he did not help her.

He was filled with anger at his Father. Of all the times his Father noticed his own son was not around, was the time when Drache needed the secrecy. He searched Tosca's face for any help, but she only confirmed his fears.

Bite sickness would not kill her but it would turn her into something terrible. A vampire sure, but one that would never be satisfied. He had to turn her now, in a natural way to save her from the horrible thirst. He struggled with his own often enough. To never be satisfied was something he would not wish on anyone.

He slid over to her side and pulled the knife from his belt. Her physical wounds were merely red lines of scabs but he knew underneath was a raging torrent of poison. And now he was going to add more to it. He was going to curse her in order to save her.

Her chest rose and fell with her steady breathing. Drache hesitated only a moment before plunging the knife into her chest. After all he had done to save her, he was killing her. He turned his head away as her eyes flew open and she screamed out. He could not bear to look into her eyes. He was certain fear, doubt, and confusion swam in her blue pools.

Her arm reached out to grip his arm. He tried to ignore it as he twisted the knife in her chest, another scream escaping her throat. He heard her heartbeat in his ears began to slow. He focused on it, counting the beats, waiting for the exact moment.

His eyes opened as the moment approached, his normally stormy blue eyes turning blood red. His fangs extended and a growl escaped his throat. Another moment passed. Rosyani's heartbeat slowed more and more as the seconds ticked by. Drache finally turned his head to look at her. He avoided looking to her eyes and instead looked at the pulsing vein in her neck. His thirst took over and any hesitation he had before drowned in her blood.

New Version: Mystery Genre
(I changed the names a bit for this one, just to make them look more "normal" Rosyani is Rose, Drache is Drake, Tosca is Tessa)

She felt heavy. She tried to move her arms but they felt like they were full of sand. Her eyes would only open a sliver, making it hard for her to see. The fog in her brain did not help her either as she tried to remember what had happened. She heard muffled voices and felt pressure on her shoulders.

"Where am I?" she rasped.

"Bellvue Hospital," a soft female voice said. Rose tried to turn her head towards the sound but her neck screamed in pain.

"What's wrong with my eyes?"

"They're badly swollen. A police officer rescued you before it was too late."

"I do not understand."

The female put a damp cool cloth on Rosyani's forehead. "You don't remember? From what I couldn't gather, you were attacked. Officer Kestar happened to come along. You're very lucky he did."
Rose tried to shake her head but her neck protested the movement. She whimpered as she tried to move other parts of her body. Everything felt stiff and heavy. Every inch of her body hurt. The clouds in her brain prevented actual memories from surfacing but she had no reason to doubt the faery, especially since every part of her body ached.

"Calm down, little one," the soft voice soothed. "I am just going to change your bandages. Let's get some water into you first, all right?"

Rose felt the edge of a cup placed against her lips. She drank greedily, trying to wash away the feel of grit and sand in her mouth. She forced herself to relax despite the panic she felt. She could smell the bleach and feel the whiteness of the hospital room. Finally she was able to relax and she fell back into the painless oblivion of the darkness.

*******************

In the middle of the night, Officer Kestar woke up with a start. Nurse Tessa stood over him with a look of concern on her face.

“Officer, there is a man here looking for her. I left him at the nurse’s station and thought I should tell you.”

Drake shook his head to clear the cobwebs from his sleepy brain. “Yes, thank you. Did he say who he was and why he wanted to see her?”

“He said he was her brother. The thing is we checked her medical records and found no evidence of a brother.”

“Okay, thanks for letting me know.” He stood and his legs protested the movement. Sleeping in a plastic chair was not good for him. He opened the door to Rose’s room to check on her. Nurse Tessa’s shoes squeaked as she made her way back down the hall to the nurse’s station. The only other sounds were Rose’s soft breathing and the steady beep of the ECG machine.

A crash echoed down the hall. Drake’s hand instinctively went to his holster. His gut told him he had to get Rose out of there. There was something more going on than a simple mugging or attack. He could feel it.

He saw a silver food tray hit the wall and saw a man fall backwards. Nurse Tessa was giving the guy a run for his money. Drake smirked and stepped into Rose’s room. He made quick work of unplugging her from the machines.

He picked her up and stepped out of the room, heading in the opposite direction of the fight. Drake took the stares hoping to avoid any security that would have been called to help Tessa.

It wasn’t until he had Rose secured in the back of his squad car that he began to doubt his decision. Where was he to take her? He shook his head and jumped in the driver’s seat. His gut screamed to get her away from this place. The engine roared to life and he squealed out of the parking lot. He knew of one place where she could be safe. Turning the car towards the edge of town, he prayed that she would still be there and would help him.

There we go! I hope you guys enjoyed it! I sure had fun writing them!

7 Responses to "Alternate Version Blog Fest: Faeries vs Vampfires vs Humans"

Dawn Embers Says :
April 1, 2010 at 4:41 PM

Great job Harley! The good thing about most blogfests is people don't care that much about the "rules" of them or anything. So, you did just fine. Only suggestion would be, especially if doing three versions or so, to maybe have smaller excerpts. Makes it a little easier cause not everyone is going to read the whole thing if it's long. I know you tend on the long side in general, but it's something to consider.

I like the change from the first version posted and the third. I got a little confused in the second because I don't know much about urban fantasy but having a "lord" threw me off a bit since I don't link that type of naming system to urban. The third version was such a change compared to any type of fantasy and you did a good job making that change.

Anyways. You did great and hope you join more blogfests in the future.

Charity Bradford Says :
April 1, 2010 at 4:58 PM

I loved the visuals at the end of the second version.
This line is wonderful--
"He avoided looking to her eyes and instead looked at the pulsing vein in her neck. His thirst took over and any hesitation he had before drowned in her blood."

All three were fascinating though and I can see myself reading all three. It would be hard to pick which I would like the best...I think #2, then #1 and finally #3. ;) Vampires are still hot.

Peta Jinnath Andersen Says :
April 1, 2010 at 5:47 PM

Nice switches! Felt like I was reading a who's who of the fantasy world. I think I liked the urban F best, but there were some great lines in #3!

Word verification: scansom. The rash vampires get when they hang out too long in the moonlight? A new kind of moonburn?

Harley D. Palmer Says :
April 1, 2010 at 8:13 PM

Dawn - I know I do! It's a bad habit really. But the original way I wrote it, it was much longer and I cut back quite a bit anyway LOL I'll get better at it as time goes along!

Charity - Yea that was my favorite line too. I think I might have to write the story of those vampfires there. Might be really fun!

Peta - Thanks for stopping by! Scansom? How interesting...Sort of like a sun burn!

Jen Brubacher Says :
April 2, 2010 at 4:45 AM

This is a very cool idea! I especially like comparing the original version to the mystery version. Amazing how little details can change so much. Thanks for sharing!

maybe genius Says :
April 2, 2010 at 5:41 PM

Nice switch up! I liked the Mystery alternate version. It was a whole different scenario.

Catherine A. Winn Says :
April 3, 2010 at 12:19 AM

The very first short version kept my attention and when it ended I was disappointed wanting to read more. Powerful writing. When you continued with the ending of the chapter I was delighted. It, too, was great!

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