Mundane Monday on Tuesday

Author: Anastasia V. Pergakis // Category:


So yea. I am still alive in case any one was wondering. I know I said in my last post I was back and ready to go, but apparantly the powers that be had other plans.

And who are the powers that be you ask? Depression, anxiety, and my muse. I have recently fallen into a huge, deep chasm of depression, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Thus the anxiety. My muse comes into play because she keeps throwing ideas at me that I can't use, adding to the depression. Sure, I am having great ideas - but they are getting thrown into the idea notebook and not doing my actual MS (any of them) any good. So it's a vicious circle and I am having the worst trouble trying to get myself out of it. Usually, it's a day, maybe two and I'm over it - just part of the cycle of me I guess. This time however, it's a bit tougher for some reason. Been in this rut for over a week now and it's just starting to piss me off quite frankly.

So, I logged into blogger at the wee hours of 1:13 in the morning. I couldn't sleep and I am determined to get myself out of this rut or depressive state or whatever you want to call it. I am forcing myself to write a blog post - even if you guys are so NOT reading this post anymore, in order to get off my butt to accomplish SOMETHING.

One of the hardest things for me as a writer, is to balance my dream and love of writing with every thing else in my life. Those of you who have been following me for a while, know this in gory detail as I have shared my extensive list of to do's with you before.

The last two weeks, I suddenly don't have time for anything. Or at least, that's how I feel at the end of the day. I had a strict schedule that I followed that allowed me to do all the things that I do and still have plenty of time with my family. Literally overnight, it was like I forgot how to run my own schedule or keep up with it! Maybe that's it. I burned out my energy and can't keep up with that schedule anymore. Who knows. Either way, it's irritating as hell!

Wanna know the only thing I have accomplished the last week and a half? I went to Guard Drill. Yea. That's it. How sad is that? Me! I was the one that could pull 7,000 words for a MS, teach her son a new song and a few new words to say, watch a movie or two with hubby, keep up with running workshops, the Academy, emails, campfire creative stories, and keep the house clean all in one day!!! Where did that person go!?

I thought if I took a little longer break to really get myself off this stupid depressive kick (yes, I'll be the first to tell you it is stupid), that I'd be good to go. Ya know, maybe I just needed a little more time off to recoup. Apparantly, I only made it worse for myself.

So, I'm taking a lesson from my Drill Sgt - JUST DO IT! And while this blog post took me longer to type up than any other blog post I've made (even the super long ones) at least I did it. And since I am here, I am off to post about the Character Interview Blogfest for today. That's TWO things so far! Let's see how much more I can get done today too. Wish me luck!

6 Responses to "Mundane Monday on Tuesday"

Lilah Pierce Says :
June 15, 2010 at 1:30 AM

I'm not actually here, I'm just dropping off the new address for my site. Its thoughtsbylilahpierce.blogspot.com

Mireyah Wolfe Says :
June 15, 2010 at 1:49 AM

So sorry to hear you're depressed, sweetie. I went through something similar when I first started blogging. Never fun, not at all. *hugs* Just gotta take it one day at a time, and try to push past it.

If you can, take a few minutes every day and think about *why* you're feeling depressed--figuring that out might help. :)

Hearts & Hugs,
Mires <3

Diandra Says :
June 15, 2010 at 3:30 AM

Aaaw, depression sucks.

One thought, though... even if your schedule seems to work, it may be *too much*. I went through this for the past 2 weeks - 2 jobs, household, writing, sports, meeting friends, keeping in contact with my family, blogging - and although my schedule said it worked, and it did, technically, at the end of the day I found it had all been too much. Now I am cutting back on things; the household does not need to be super-clean (and the BF can do more, I just have to tell him what to do), penpals and family may have to wait a little longer until I get back to them, I cut back on my sports (only slightly - instead of doing jogging *and* weight training every day, I am now taking turns). This leaves me small breaks in my schedule, and I am already starting to feel better. Really. After only 1 day of doing nothing and 2 days with reduced schedule...

(I'd give up a lot before giving up writing!)

Really, we're not meant to run around all day like headless, but organized chickens!

Anastasia V. Pergakis Says :
June 15, 2010 at 3:35 AM

Mireyah - I think I know what happened. It was a snow ball effect from comparing myself to other authors that have been writing less time but already have agents and such! *sigh* It discouraged me a bit and then it just avalanched from there as the feeling of inadequecy morphed into the rest of my life! So, it's just a matter that I need to wake up and remember that I am worth it and I'll get an agent when I'M ready.

Diandra -- Headless but organized chickens! HAHAH So great. Ya know, I think what started it was me trying to weed out my schedule like you said, but I was so used to the old way, it was like I didn't know what to do with my extra time. This caused me to think too much about what I said previously to Mireyah there - thus the snow ball effect that happened. I just need to learn how to operate with the new schedule and adjust.

C.J. Ellisson Says :
June 17, 2010 at 6:10 PM

You and I are seriously in sync - it's quite scary actually. Mine might be medically related, but it's still no fun to not feel like yourself.

Wishing you a speedy recovery! I'm on the mend myself and will hopefully be back to normal when we get back from our weekend away.

Missing you - my chat room and writing sprint partner! We need to get back to normal so we can kick each other in the butts like your Drill Sarg said :just do it!"

Sarah Hall Says :
February 25, 2016 at 3:17 AM

Let's see how much more you can get done today too. Wishing you the best of luck, as you wanted! Keep it uo and don't forget about your fans:) Cheers! Best regards, thesis editing services - edit-ing.services

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