Labotomy of a Writer

Okay, I know I said I was going to talk about "Show vs Tell" this week, but I haven't gotten all the details worked out for it, so we are rearranging the schedule a bit. So this week will be about the Art of Reviewing and next week, will be Show vs Tell.

I was sked to guest blog at Wicked Writers about the Art of Reviewing about a month ago. This is a repost of what I wrote for them. For those that don't know, I mention Greg a lot in this. He was a student at The Writer's Academy (recently graduated with honors and Valedictorian by the way). He was also the one to ask me to guest blog, so I pick on him throughout the post. So here it is again, to kick it off. The rest of this week, I'll expand on what I talk about here and go more indepth.

My Background

My real name is Anastasia Pergakis, but many people online know me as Harley D. Palmer. I started writing and storytelling, well as soon as I could write. I didn’t get into novel writing (or reviewing) until I was an adult but it has become an obsession! I am on the computer every day researching writing in some form or another.

What really started me reviewing novels was when I was invited to join a reviewing workshop on WDC. During that time, I realized that novels were not getting reviewed that often, and even if they were, I rarely saw reviews past chapter one. So, I have tried to focus my efforts on just reviewing novels.

Doing all of that research and learning through experience, spurred me to start the Writer's Academy. I started the Academy because I wanted to share my knowledge with other writers. I have been researching all aspects of writing for many, many years. It is a hard and I’ll admit, sometimes a boring process. I hoped that with the Academy, writers could have a place to come to that was fun and informative – with all the information in one place.

I’ve been running the Academy for a little over a year now and I have learned a lot about reviewing from the experience. I was able to apply things that I learned in the workshop and through reviews I had received for my own work.

What I Look for when Reviewing

Regardless of whether I am reviewing for fun, a workshop, or grading assignments in the Academy, I always focus on the same things. I’ll break this down for you to give you an understanding of what I look for when I read a novel.

I read a chapter many times in the process of reviewing it. I try to start a review with my impression or feelings about it after the first read. The first read through should be simple without taking notes of any mistakes or inconsistencies just yet. Yes, some things are glaring but I try to simply enjoy the read, instead of looking to edit or critique.

During the second, third, and even fifteenth read through, I ask myself the following questions.

Title: Does the title of the book fit? Did the chapter title match with the chapter? Why or why not?

Hook: Was the catch or hook at the beginning enough to keep the reader reading? Why or why not? Was I constantly hooked in even in chapter twenty?

Plot: Is the plot clear and concise? Is it unique or has it been done? Do the sub plots help the story or slow it down?

Style & Voice: Is the sentence structure the same throughout the story or does it vary? Does the voice work for the theme or genre of the story? Is the story full of passive verbs instead of aggressive?

Referencing: Are there Harley Davidson motorcycles in 15th century England? Does a female character set in the early 1900s follow the ‘rules’ of that time? Would an alien race talk or have the exact same culture we do on Earth?

Scene/Setting: Can I clearly see the scenery? Can I tell where everything is at any given moment? Do I know where the characters are at all times?

Characters: Are the characters consistent throughout the book? Do they grow and develop in a logical time frame? Do they each have their own voice and mannerisms (Can I tell them apart from each other?) Is there enough detail to give me a mental image of what they look like, act like, talk like?

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: Are their any long, run on sentences or sentence fragments? Any spelling mistakes or typos? Are all the punctuation marks used correctly?

I close the review with my personal opinion of the story or chapter. I tell the author what I liked or didn't like. I always give them a few words of encouragement.

Do I look for every single one of these aspects when reviewing? Yes. Do I mention all of these points in the review every single time? No.

How to Talk in a Review

Each writer and story is different, so they require their own unique review. Greg can tell you that his reviews usually consisted of a few sentences as I rarely had comments, suggestions or corrections for him. But other students may have had longer reviews with suggestions and advice.

I look for the same points when reading any novel, but to a friend I might present it in a different way. Reading a friends work, I could get away with saying “This scene is awesome!” but in a professional type of relationship, I would phrase it differently – “This scene was written very well. It was clear and concise. Great job!”

As I am nearing the end of Greg’s book for the Academy, I am getting a little more ‘friendly’ with the reviews. He ended a chapter with a HUGE cliff hanger and I started the review with “How dare you do that to me!” (I was going to have a wait a whole week to read more!) He and I had built up a relationship of sorts for me to get away with saying that – at the beginning, I never would have presented my shock in that manner. I would have said “A shocking ending! I can’t wait to read more!” instead.

With the Academy specifically, I try to relate the review to the lesson. If the lesson was about setting and scenery, then I center the review on that. If I am reviewing for some other reason, it'll depend on what the author is looking for and what I feel are the more important things to mention.

Common Mistakes

There are many common mistakes that I find time and time again when reviewing a novel. They can be frustrating when I review, but then I remember that I make the exact same mistakes all the time too!

>>>Yes, typos are a common occurrence as no one is perfect; however with spell check and other tools, it shouldn’t happen quite as often as it does. Reviewing for the Academy can be especially tough. Many of the students type directly into the site when posting their work. The site does have a spell check tool, but not that many people know how to use it. So there are often a lot of mistakes. I find it best to write in Word first then copy and paste into a site like that. This helps to prevent quite a lot of the spelling and grammar mistakes I find.

>>>Passive verbs show up more often than not. I use a review template and automatically I have a little paragraph that talks about passive vs aggressive verbs. This prevents me from having to type it up every single time. It is much easier to delete the blurb when it is not needed, than to type it up each time that it is. I struggle with this in my own writing and I think that is why I can pick it up easily in other people’s work.

>>>The amount of detail is a huge issue. Again this is something I struggle with myself, so it is easy to find it in other novels. If there is too little detail, then I can’t really get into the story. I can’t see where the characters are or what they are doing. When there is too much, the story drags and I can lose interest as the plot is bogged down with useless information.

Tomorrow I'll expand on "What I look for in a Review".

Yay! Yet another blogfest! I just love these things! This one is thanks to Tara, over at Secret Story! Make sure you check out the other entries too!

Okay, to set you up a little bit, many of you remember the beginning part of this in an earlier post I made about listening to your characters and compared two scenes. This is what happens after that! (And since I'm awesome, if you want to read the beginning part of this, you can find it here. It's the second half of the post, in purple font.)

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He caught sight of Letarri coming back into the tavern. She looked a little more steady on her feet but not much. She wobbled through the crowd but was stopped by a tall faery. Etharas nudged Cadmus to get his attention. The faery was talking to her and she responded back. Seemed innocent enough, but Etharas kept an eye on them just to be sure. He did not know the type of faeries that came to this tavern.

Letarri leaned against a chair for support. Her eyes were half closed, almost in a seductive way. Etharas’s senses were on full alert. He doubted any other male would see that look for what is was - a first time drinker feeling the effects of three shots of Caderis. They would see her teetering as a sign that she was trying to get closer to them, not keep her balance.

“Think we should go get her?” Cadmus asked.

“No. Not until he tries something. I don’t want to cause a ruckus if there is no reason.”

He probed Letarri’s mind for her thoughts. Even in her brain she sounded slurred and drunk.

“Why is he talking to me? I don’t know him. Where is Etharas? What did he just say? Wants me to go upstairs?”

Etharas stiffened but stayed in his seat. He saw her mouth from the words “No thank you.” The faery apparently did not want to take no as an answer and continued to push the issue.

“Is he stupid? I just said no. I wish I could move. Why aren’t my feet working?”

Etharas decided enough was enough. She was too drunk to control the situation. He slid off the barstool and made his way over to them. He slid his arm around her waist and smiled down at her.

“Hello, love! I have been looking for you everywhere.”

“What?” she mumbled. “Love? Gods his arms are strong.” She leaned into him and his grip on her waist tightened. She giggled seductively into his ear.

“I should get her to bed,” he said to the faery with a laugh. He started to half carry, half drag Letarri away.

The faery tapped him on the shoulder. When Etharas turned back around, his face met with the faery’s fist. He and Letarri fell back into one of the tables.

Etharas stood back up and spit the blood from his mouth. “I don’t want any trouble. Just want to get my lady up to bed.”

“His lady? Is he talking about me? Oh if only.” Letarri giggled.

Momentarily caught off guard by Letarri’s thoughts, he took another punch to the face. Cadmus came over and gathered Letarri from the floor where she sat.

Once Letarri was out of the way, Etharas swung back. The faery crashed into the table behind him. The patrons gathered around them, chanting for more blood. Etharas knew that bets were being made about who would win the fight.

The faery stood back up. Blood trickled from a cut on his forehead and he was already showing signs of a black eye. Etharas probed the mind of the faery and easily dodged the next swing.

The fight went on like that for a few moments, the faery swinging and Etharas ducking. Etharas dodged another and when he stood back to his full height, he swung his left fist into the jaw of the faery. Etharas counted on the fact the faery was much drunker than he was.

Etharas was surprised when the faery stood back up though. This time Etharas hit him with a right hook and the faery stayed down.

A second faery stepped forward to defend his friend. Etharas rolled his eyes and groaned. He hated this part of any fight. He stopped paying attention to what punch was thrown and merely concentrated on not getting hit. He spread out his power into the minds of all of the patrons to make sure no one snuck up on him.

Cadmus apparently had gotten into the fight after he made sure Letarri was safely curled up on the stairs.

Etharas was so lost in the sea of punches and kicks that he failed to notice the fire that had started before it was almost too late. As if in slow motion, he watched the fire eat its way across the bar to all the liquor bottles.

“Every one get out of here!” he yelled.

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Tada! Etharas is definitely one of my favorite characters. He's just so much fun to write! His telepathy makes for some really fun scenes (especially around Letarri!)

*sigh* I love writing!

Okay, here is my murder scene. It's graphic, to the point that it scared me when I first wrote it. I've never written anything this graphic in my life!

This is unedited, straight from my NaNo Novel from 2009. I named it originally "The Lost Wars" but I am thinking of changing the title to "The Kinir Elite" in order to turn it into a series.

So here we go, the opening unedited scene for "The Kinir Elite".

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Fire raged inside his soul while the house burned down around him. Derac Vidor struggled to get up the stairs to save the others in the building. He coughed violently and collapsed at the base of the stairs. Derac vagely realized his friend Tyn had thrown him over his shoulder and carried him outside the burning building. Derac landed with a thud in the cold snow, bringing him back to reality. The sight was beautiful, in a dark haunting sort of way. The flames ate the house bit by bit. The smell of burning flesh was thick in the air.

Screams could be heard from inside the building. Derac rushed to run inside but Tyn stopped him before he reached the door.

"You can't save them Derac!"

"Watch me!" Derac punched Tyn in the face. Tyn's head flew back from the force but he recovered quickly, punching Derac in return. Tyn wasted no time as he tackled his friend and held Derac's arms behind his back. Derac struggled but knew if he really fought Tyn's hold, it would break both his arms.

A blood curdling scream peirced the cool night air and a ball of fire exited the door of the house. She was on fire. Derac watched in agony as her flesh turned black and fell off her bones. She collapsed into the snow. The fire that consumed her went out, leaving her burned carcass against the stark whiteness of the snow around her.

Derac screamed in rage. Tyn let go of him and he crawled to her side.

"No! No! Maleena!!" Derac rolled the female elf over. He was horrified when her flesh came off in his hands. He screamed in agony looking at his palms. Every part of Derac's body filled with rage and pain. Tyn came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Derac shrugged it off, not wanting any contact with another being. He stared at Maleena's body, praying that she would come back. He waited to wake up from this nightmare, but he never did. He knelt there in the snow, next to his lover's charred body.

"Derac, there was nothing you could do."

"Yes. Yes, there was. I made a mistake Tyn, but I won't make it ever again." Derac stood.

"What is the plan?"

Derac took one last look at the blazing house before turning. His skin was blackened and he still coughed, but his stride was steady and true. Tyn made the sign of Rosis, the Goddess of Death, on his chest before following after his friend.

"We're going hunting."

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I hope you enjoyed it! Come back tomorrow for the Bar Scene Blogfest! And don't forget to sign up for my Body Language Blogfest!

Okay, this is technically supposed to be posted tomorrow but it is also the Murder Scene Blogfest so I am putting this one up here today!

Also, according to my schedule, it should have been Fantasy Friday. When have you ever known me to follow a schedule!? Exactly.

Here we go! This scene is the first kiss between Letarri and Etharas, and it's Letarri's first kiss ever too! (Of course, from "The Faery's Tale") Enjoy!

And as a note, a few scenes before this one, all their clothes burned so they had to buy new ones that are a bit - unmodest. Letarri is in something like a genie would wear and Etharas basically is just wearing pants! So...

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She did not have time to scream when a strong hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into the alley. She was thrown against the wooden walls of the building. She kept her eyes tightly shut, frozen in fear. She felt the being place its hands on the wall, his arms right next to her head.

"Why are you following me, little faeya?" she heard the harsh whisper.

She peaked through one eye to see Etharas smiling at her. She let out the breath she was holding and sagged against the wall.

"What, uh, what makes you think I was following you?"

"I can read your thoughts," his voice echoed in her head.

Her eyes widened in shock. "All of them?" she whispered. She was more embarassed than shocked. Her own brother was telepathic so hearing his voice in her head did not bother her. It was the fact that she had been thinking of him all day - and he definitely knew it.

"All the time," he whispered back.

Their faces were mere inches apart. She could feel the heat radiating off his body. Him so close made it hard for her to think. The lamp from the street cast a shadow over his face but she could see the devilish gleam in his eyes. She wished she could read his mind, to know what he was going to do next.

"All the time? What am I thinking now?"

"You think I'm dangerous." The look in his eyes almost proved her point. "And you like it."

She giggled nervously. Her vision flashed in her mind of him kissing her, a deep demanding kiss that left her wanting the real thing.

"That's not fair," she breathed. "Filling my head with visions like that. It's not nice."

He smiled but the look of innocence was lost. "I think you thought of that all by yourself, little faeya."

She giggled again and tried to back away, forgetting she was already against the wall. Etharas still had her pinned by his arms on both sides of her head. She could easily duck under his arm and run, but her feet would not cooperate.

"I...I've never kissed any one before," she admitted.

His head jerked back, a shocked expression on his face. Slowly his mischievious smile returned. Before Letarri could blink, he leaned in closer, his lips touching hers in a feather light kiss.

Letarri whimpered, wanting more. He did not hold back as he pressed a demanding kiss to her lips.

*~*~*~*~*

He had only meant to tease her a little but when she whimpered, he could not stop himself. He forgot about proper etiquette and merely followed his instincts.

He ran his fingers through her air, enjoying the feel of the silken strands. Her hands timidly moved up his bare chest to his shoulders. Goosebumps raised on his flesh as her arms wrapped around his neck. He forgot where they were, lost in the intoxicating kiss.

Reality came flooding back to him, when someone grabbed his hair and pulled him backwards. He tried to fight back but he was thrown to the ground. Letarri was thrown down next to him and their hands were tied behind their back.

"You are under arrest for prostitution," a male faery said.

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Aren't I so mean to my characters? Can't let them have a first kiss in peace! Mwahahah!

Oh! And look at that! It's actually a short entry! Woot!

**As a side note, I now have 52 followers! Yay! Thank you so much for all your comments and for following. I'm glad to know my insanity has not scared that many people away! I don't have anything to give away to celebrate, but I will definately have something when there are 100!**

Giving your characters the perfect name can be a daunting task. I bought a baby name book with over 100,000 names in it! It is very handy. It comes with the meaning and origin of the name which helps me to select common themes (like all siblings have Greek names perhaps) or certain meanings to fit the character's personality. I highly recommend getting one as the phone book merely has names, not meanings and origins!

How do you decide what to name your characters? A few instances, my characters showed up and told me what their names were, but most of the time I have to figure it out myself.

For the faeries and elves in "The Faery's Tale" I literally put some letters together to create their names. It was pretty interesting to do it that way. I wanted something completely not-human so I made them up myself. It was hard to do and I don't really recommend it unless you have a lot of paitence to try out a ton of different letter combinations til you find the right one.

Mostly, I try to find names that match (or for humor, don't match) the character's personality. For example, I recently named a character "Safiya". It's Arabic and means "pure, serene; best friend" I chose it for the "pure" part. The actual character is far from pure, so it is a bit funny. Especially when I think of it as her parents named her to represent something but she didn't live up to it.

No, I don't always pick names to match personalitites, but it is fun to do sometimes. Other times I go with names I like or when scrolling through the baby name book, one of them pops out at me.

Names that Don't Fit.

I have had this happen once. When I first started writing "The Faery's Tale" the character all had Victorian era names. But it just didn't fit. It took me a long time to fix them to where they are now.

How did I know they didn't fit? Well my characters told me for one and for two, I had a review tell me that they couldn't really see the characters as faeries. The names were too "common" as they said. I had to agree. So I went about the painful process of making them up to truly be original.

If you have a reviewer or critique buddy tell you they think a name doesn't fit, find out why. They may have some insight that you can't see being so close to the character. They might even be able to suggest the perfect replacement.

Cliche Names.

Okay, I hate to say it. But I am tired of demons or evil guys with the name of "Damien" or some variation of it. I'm to the point where I would love to see a demon named "Joe". Seriously. I'm also not a fan of "Christopher" for protector types, or "Chastity" for the pure girl, etc.

But didn't you just say to match personalities to names?

There is a line that I think should not be crossed. This is where research and reading a lot can really help writers. To avoid the cliches one needs to know what they are. Even names need to be unique and not overused.

It is hard to say where the line is with this as there are so many characters out there that need names! It mostly comes down to how the writer feels about it. Obviously, for me, I would never name a demon or a villain Damien. But that doesn't mean it's necessarily bad for other writers to use it. It does fit and readers will immediately pick up on the resonnance of that name.

In the end, no matter what, it really is up to the writer and the character to decide on their name. But there are resources out there for you. Pick up a baby name book and I know there are generators online. Fantasy and Sci-fi names can be odd and literally out of this world and there are even generators to help you make up those odd sounding names.

It just takes a bit of research and a little patience but in the end, it's well worth it to have the perfect name for your character.

All this week I've been blogging about getting to really know your characters. During this process, you will surely learn a little about their mannerisms and quirks. But how to convey that in the story?

While reviewing assignments from the novel students in the Writer's Academy, I love it when there is a random twitch, nervous habit, or just tiny movement. It may not have anything to do with the plot perse, but it has everything to do with the character and how they feel at that moment.

People watching is a good way to learn about odd movements and twitches that people do. Girls twirl their hair, chew their nails, fiddle with their wedding rings, etc. Guys rub their beards in thought, clench their fists, pop their knuckles, etc.

Putting in little movements like that really enhance a story and a scene. This goes with the "show don't tell" adage. How would you tell that a person is nervous without saying "She was nervous." Nail biting? Wringing hands? I rub my palms and bite my bottom lip when I'm nervous. A friend of mine flicks his wrist (though it looks like he's adjusting his watch). Another friend switches her weight from one foot to the other.

Then of course there is just showing what your characters look like, but without making a list of their stats. "She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder." "He ran his fingers through his dark hair." "His green sparkled with mischief." This puts in an action AND a character detail. I have rarely seen a listing of stats done well. I think the only time I really liked it and it made sense was one character, a spy of some sort, was sizing up the girl. So in his mind, he would calculate it by stats. But not all characters are spys or cops, running stats in their head about the people they meet. (Heck not even cops and spys do this all the time anyway.)

Another thing to remember, is to have your characters seperate from each other. Even if two characters have blue eyes are they exactly the same blue? How would you describe them differently so that in the readers mind, you really do have two unique individuals? My husband and I both have brown eyes, but his are dark like chocolate while mine have a tinge of orange to them (arranged in flames around my pupil, pretty awesome looking if I do say so myself...) Both my son and my daughter have blue eyes, but hers are light, and my sons are stormy grey/blue. This goes with all descriptions - hair, height, clothing, skin color, etc. Indentical twins still have that one aspect different from each other.

Again, the key here is not just list the characters stats all at once. Throw it by another character's observing, action, or even emotion. Have an internal monologue where the character is comparing her/himself to another.

Then, once you introduce the fact that your character has long, silky, red curls - throw that in again later on. Remind the reader. Have the character toss her hair over her shoulder or pull it back into a pony tail. What do other people think of her hair? It doesn't need to be the forefront of course (unless your story really is about her hair) but throw it in every once in a while to remind the reader what the character looks like.

What nervous habits or odd quirks do your characters have? Rosyani clenches her fist at her side quite a bit and she also has a habit of hugging herself. Her husband Drache crosses his arms a lot and rubs his forehead. You might think these are signs of stress but in truth, both characters do that for comfort and a feeling of safety. What about your characters? What little action do they do often?